Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
