we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
