I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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