You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
