I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
