I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
