I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
