just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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