Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
