I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
