i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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