You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
