I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
