Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't deserve a penis
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
