i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
