My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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