If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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