Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There r osticjed everywhere
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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