And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
