It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
