You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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