Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
