I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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