tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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