we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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