What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
