i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
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Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.