the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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