I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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