all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
