they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Rumble strips road head = magical
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.