my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.