Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it