Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She even gives head with a lisp.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.