i was born a porn star she said
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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