I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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