Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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