Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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