What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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