I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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