Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
