So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
