from now on my penis is your penis
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't think brook has ever known best
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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