C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
id be glad to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
