I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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