4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
