uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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