oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
