Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
