dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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