My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
