How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
