My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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