I faked an abortion last night.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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