I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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