Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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