just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
