he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
