she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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