During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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