No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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