he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's always time for handjobs
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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