Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
