I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
