Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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