My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I understand Curling. That high.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
