youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
