I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
