marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
