In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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