he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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