Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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