Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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